Grief Does Not Expire

Today's post was going to be all about how excited Monkey and I were that there was a new baby on it's way to our family.

Then I had a phone call from my sister this morning. When the phone call was finished, I sat down on the sofa and I cried. My sister was in the first trimester of her pregnancy, in fact she had only told us she was pregnant a couple of weeks ago. She was calling to tell me that she was having a miscarriage.

Why did I cry? Why am I sad?  Probably because I know exactly what she is going through right now. I know the physical and emotional pain too well because I've been in her shoes. I feel so ridiculous that I still cry after all these years.
They don't tell you that even if you do have other children, you'll still yearn for the one that's you're not able to wrap your arms around.

Actually what people do say is "You'll get over it", "It's for the best" and "God wanted another angel in heaven". (FYI these are things you should NEVER EVER say to a woman whose just lost her dreams and hopes for a child that she already loves more than you can imagine).

I can't explain to you in words how devastating it was / still is. Doctors and nurses can be so "clinical" about it, and friends and family usually don't know what to say or how to comfort you. At the time it felt as though someone ripped my heart from my chest and nobody else cared except for those friends who had been through it. 

Yes your life goes on. I don't sit and cry all day, everyday like I did at the beginning of this journey, but it is something that is always present in my mind. My heart has always felt just a little broken ever since.

I feel like I want to say more, but the words are just not there.

So today I just want to take a moment to think of all the little lives that have been lost. I personally have too many friends who know the heartache of grieving over the loss of a child, whether it's been due to miscarriage, still birth, cancer or some other means.

So this post is for you amazingly strong women who live with this every day of your life and for the children that you hold in their hearts. 

You are all more than welcome to add the names of the children you remember everyday in the comments section.

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